I've decided to try and keep a more detailed account on my day here. Something to do and may benefit someone. This isn't going to be one of those "Buck up. Things will be sunnier tomorrow" BLOG threads. Because I don't feel that way. At all. Will it get better, most likely. But today I got pretty fucking down.
They just tried to move in a roommate to my hospital room. I got it averted. I told them if they move someone in I'm checking out. I expressed that I'm am the most miserable I have ever been. I'm depressed and uncomfortable. I haven't slept in days. I have an emotional meltdown at least once and hour and sharing a room with someone will basically put me over the edge. So the charge nurse goes to see what she can do. After a few minutes this other nurse who took care of me the other day comes in all smiles and says, "So they're moving my father-in-law in here soon." I found this to be a pretty shitty ploy. I didn't fall for it and said, "I'm sorry but I really don't want a roommate because I'm miserable and unhappy and about to snap." So I got the room to myself for tonight. But not without a guilt trip to make me feel shittier than I already did.
I want to leave now. I can't stand this. I have never been this miserable. I think I would be better off at my mom's. I'd be happier and in a better frame of mind for recovery. Right now I feel this place is keeping me from getting healthier faster because I am so fucking uncomfortable.
Problem is my friggn' legs are swollen. They tested for clots today and it was negative. Beyond the legs I don't see why I have to stay here. I'm supposed to have a physical therapist come to the house every day anyway.
Here are some pics of what the blood butchers have done to my arms. They look worse in person, trust me. Left arm:
and the right:
K, I'm back. I just got some Percoset and shot of something in my gut which hurt like a BITCH! I think it's a blood thinner. Last time I got one of those last week it didn't hurt that bad.
I feel better right now. My nurse is really nice. A nice nurse definitely helps things around here. One that will listen for a bit. Some of these nurses really suck. They do the bare minimum they have to and seem bothered that they're there. Anyway, tonight's nurse, Cathy, told me I can arrange a garden date and have someone bring my dog up and I can play with him outside. I really want to see my baby boy. She also gave me some chamomile tea to try and calm me.
Back again. They just tried to drop off someone in my room. I think I calmed down enough because I was just gonna let it go, but someone yelled at them that they're in the wrong room. WHEW!
I have been walking since Friday with the aid of this mega walker. I thought I was doing well and was being told I was until the boss Physical Therapist worked with me today and showed me I was doing it wrong, putting too much weight on my new hip. So when I adjusted things got a hell of a lot harder and I wasn't as cocky as I had been. Because my bones are soft and the weird shape of my freak body, it will take longer for the implant to take and settle properly, so no major weight, just what they call placement weight. Then I have to put all my weight onto the walker, step my good leg up even with my recovering leg, then repeat. PAIN IN THE ASS and SLOW! Brutal and exhausting.
I had to go to this rehab group today. I believe the next youngest person after me was at least 35 years older than me. The 90+ lady next to me was pretty damn funny. She had a great attitude that I wish I had some of. She was just as much of smartass as me.
Then I came back to my room and they had food for me and I wasn't hungry. Told them all I wanted to do was sleep. I was told earlier all I had to do was say that and they would leave me alone. Apparently leaving me alone meant someone knocking on my door every 10 minutes for the next 3 hours and bugging me even when I played dead. It was ridiculous. I finally got someone to leave and stick up a sign saying DO NOT DISTURB. That lasted 15 minutes until the boss Physical Therapist showed up again and made me get up. CHRIST!
More exhausting therapy.
Then I finally got to rest and then the damn blood woman shows up to draw more blood. I asked her if she was sure because no one told me about it. She says yeah. Then proceeds to do one of the most painful blood draws I've had since coming here.
Then the doctor comes in. I ask him about the bloodwork and he knows nothing about it. So he goes off, comes back and still has no idea. So I say it better work for whatever the hell he needs tomorrow because I'm tapped.
He leaves and my mom shows up. She's there for 5 minutes when another nurse comes in and says I have to go get an ultra sound. No one knows why. I figure no big deal, they don't hurt. Well, BOY was I WRONG. They were doing it to see if I had clots in my recovery leg. Only in order to do it she had to make my leg go out to the side which it really can't thanks to the surgery, then I had to hold it there for 15 minutes while she proceeded to JAMB and STAB the ultra sound gun into my groin and then down my leg. I cried through the entire thing. It was horrible.
We come back upstairs. My mom says she'll be back. I think she went to yell at the doctor for not knowing what was going on. She came back and hadn't found him. I could tell she was upset, then knew it when she said she needed to go home. I feel really bad for my mom. She may be worried as to whether or not she can handle taking care of me. I think we'll be fine, but it wont be easy.
I pooped today, finally. Apparently this was important. LOL Cause of a lot of stress among the doctors and nurses.
Basically been sitting here for the past 3-4 hours watching TV and trying to get through this post. Feeling much better right now. Hope I can sleep.
I just want to go home.